Chronicle of a Lagosian Adventure

Okay, so predictably some may say, I'm having slight difficulty adjusting in the land of my birth. It is an experience unrivaled by anything I've done before. Anyone who has been to West Africa and experienced the African way might read this and have a little giggle to themselves. Trust me, you won't know till you get here just how bad it is! Don't get me wrong, I'm having a good time and all, my eyes are wide open and the things I'm seeing could not be experienced anywhere else.

The problem has been my western attitude to it. It doesn't wash in Nigeria. On-time doesn't exist, guaranteed is a myth and agression a way of life!

So where do I start, firstly, this place is not a holiday. I repeat, do not EVER come to Nigeria and expect a holiday. Everyone gets up at the crack of dawn, literally; its still dark outside and the chickens haven't even started crowing! This is actually the standard of life in this country, they don't sleep and they work hard, so there is no way you're gonna come and sleep all day?! Abomination!

I also had a knuckle ride experience going from Abuja to Lagos, a road trip unlike any other. It took 10 hours each way, all because of the road quality...Alton Towers should come to Nigeria for inspiration for their next themed ride! The journey back was even worse as we ended up having a broken down bus, a five hour delay and spent the last 5 hours of the journey traveling in the dark on bumpy roads with no street lighting averaging 110Km/h. Imagine it if you can, you won't come close to the reality of it!

Nigerians are also extremely Christian Christians. During the multi-state journey to Lagos, I came across churches called everything from 'Patronise the Lord Jesus Fellowship Ministries' to 'Holy Endeavours Spiritual Development Ministry'. I shan't make too much fun but I had a hell of a time reading some Church names!

Lagos itself is a whole other place. The traffic is horrific, the people are mad and the term 'Lagos Driving' needs to be certified as one of the wonders of the world. The only parts of the vehicle that should work in Lagos are (in this order); horn, fog-lights(your headlights don't really matter), breaks and if you're in a luxury vehicle (I use this term lightly!) maybe the a/c. I've never seen anything like it, 2 lane dual carriageways turned into 7 lane car derbys with bumps, crashes, rides, swearing, fighting and not a single safety helmet in sight! 15 seater minibuses turned into road haulage companies carrying anything from 25 people to cattle and oranges. My brother and I are still trying to figure out how they fill a bus from the front to the back with oranges, leaving space only for the driver...and how do they get it out? Answers on a postcard please!

One thing I will give Lagosians is that they don't mess with their seatbelts. Accident rates are unsuprisingly high and if they can sqeeze their way into one they will! even if it means 2 people per seatbelt!

So many Nigerians avoid Lagos and I understand why, so many things happened there that I don't have time to write here, but now I've experienced it, can't say I'm in a rush to go back!

The major downside is, of all the weird and wonderful pictures I took there...I have almost none. On my last day while messing with the camera and trying to make some changes to the settings, I managed to format the memory card, so every picture I'd taken including pictures of family members I haven't seem for 15 years and wont see again anytime soon....all gone. Shit happens. My UX consultant hat is screaming for someone at Canon to have a look at their error prevention...a lil message saying 'Delete all images? Y/N' would have done the trick nicely!

I will say though, I do feel very at home, I getting to practice my pidgin English and Yoruba and I've started screaming and fighting with the best of them. You can't beat Nigerians, so you have no choice but to join them!

I beg-o, ger'rout my frien'!